Friday, August 27, 2010

34 - Work in Progress

The stability of my life here in Korea has granted me the opportunity to take a good hard look at myself. I came here knowing no one and having only two suitcases to my name. I live alone, so I know that if there's something in my apartment, it's because I chose put it there (or not to remove it). I have absolutely no one but myself to blame for the abundance of paper, magazines, (or dust bunnies) currently clogging my corners. Likewise, if I have friends, they are a reflection of what I have put out into the water or because Providence has put them into my life to teach me something. I have learned that in friendship, as in life, one tends to reap what one sows.

My character defects are abundant. This is something that I have learned beyond a shadow of a doubt. I tend to be critical, judgmental, prideful, vain, and full of sloth. Day by day, I'm learning how to be accepting, kind, humble, disciplined, joyful and full of praise. There are days when I falter and say things that I shouldn't, but it's a constant negotiation of figuring out how to nurture myself and my values, while putting the character defects to death. What's a defect and what's a vital part of my personality? This is the ongoing question, but I hope that the answers will come with the willingness to gaze unflinchingly at the truth.

I believe that Ms. Anne of Green Gables summed it up best when she said:
"...but if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't. Give me SOME credit."

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